So little love bug, here we are. One month out, and I've been loving every single minute of it, and you.
I had always wondered what it would be like to be on the other end of the spectrum of parent - child love. For thirty one, almost thirty two years, I was on the "Child" end of the spectrum. I can say that it was great and still continues to be great. I will tell you this, you have wonderful grandparents ( both sides ). They have made being their child a wonderful experience. An experience that I hope that I can pass along to you. They held my hand, read with me, talked to me, celebrated my accomplishments and failures, accepted my flaws and taught me how to overcome obstacles and upsets. They were there for so many important milestones in my life that at certain times seemed " little" but they were celebrated anyways.
As a parent, you are given a tough job. There is no application or sign hanging in a window. There is no instruction manual. It is a job that requires you to set a good example all of the time, exhibit good morals, make important decisions ( and sometimes in a quick fashion ) that may effect you the rest of your life. A parent must be a teacher, a confidante, a friend, and have the ability to follow through and be thorough and stern at times. A parent must be able to listen, and to decipher information that is new to you ( the baby / child ) and take that information and figure out how to apply it to our daily life. There are so many things about being a parent that I can't even name, much less that I've gotten to experience yet. Its a big job,I am excited to accept this job, that is a 24/7 job, no pay, and the benefits are endless. You are all the benefit that I need. I've been told that no other job could or would ever compare.
Your smile, makes me smile. Your laugh, it makes me laugh. Your cry, makes me want to cry ( only because I am trying to figure out what you may need and I hate to see you upset ).
You see, I never quite understood what other parents said when they told me ( before I had you ) that " being a parent is the greatest joy you'll ever experience, the toughest job you'll ever have, and the most overwhelming love you'll ever feel." It doesn't quite register. Prior to your arrival, there were things I loved. I loved my family, I loved your daddy and your crazy big sisters, I loved pets I had in the years gone by. I loved reading books, traveling etc. I still love all these things. And I thought I understood the meaning of love. I thought I knew what " Tears of Joy " were. There are many types of "love" but this one is the most special.
There are times when I don't even have to be around you and I'll cry. It's not the hormones. It's because I know that you are a blessing. These are the " Tears of Joy " I previously mentioned. I know exactly how special you are. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I have prayed for you. Many years ago I didnt think that I wanted children, but when I first met your cousin Haiden, I knew that one day, somewhere along lifes path, I wanted to be a mommy. I had thought about it here and there, and always prayed " God, if you ever choose me to be a parent, please bless me with patience. I know Im not always the easiest person to deal with, but I'd like to give it a try. I think that it would be a most rewarding job and challenge for me. Bless me with a baby who you choose specifically for me. Design him or her in a way that sets them apart from any other child. Bless them with amazing talents, and a big heart that is ready to be loved. God, I leave this wish in your hands, if it is your will, its a blessing that I will gladly receive. " To my surprise my prayer was answered one day in January of 2014. God has somehow made the size of my heart and ability to love increase by leaps and bounds. With each passing day, the love for you grew and will continue to grow. I love you beyond measure my Little Love Bug. You are a blessing. You have blessed me, and you have blessed your father. He loves you just as much as I do.
Some of the perks of becoming a Momma are the sleepless nights. Its not always sleepless caused by your cries for attention. Some sleep loss has been of my own choosing. Staying awake to watch you sleep, to see the tiny breaths you take; to see you reach out for me and take comfort in knowing that I am by your side. Its amazing.
Another perk is counting your dirty diapers and taking a mental note of whats inside. Sounds gross right? Well its one way that I know that you're getting the nutrition that you need. Its really quite important if you ask any health professional. I consider it a perk because, I've learned something from it. That I can change a diaper with one eye open in the middle of the night with minimal light.
Every day presents a new challenge. Every day you give me a reason to smile. Like this morning, you were cooing at your reflection in your baby swing. You started to smile at me and coo sounds back to me when I talk to you. You're learning quick. And I couldn't be more proud. I want to capture every single moment on camera so I can look back on them forever, but what good does that do? I can't stop time.
There have been a few bumps in the road in the past month. My milk supply isn't where it should be. I've had to breast feed you then supplement with extra formula ( I feel terrible about it, there's just something about formula that I do not like whatsoever) . I know it's helping you grow and get strong; but to be honest, I'm a little disappointed with myself. It's one of the biggest upset for me so far. The good thing is, I made a phone call to the lactation specialists at the hospital and have been working really really hard with you, the pump,supplements and nursing honeymoons. Its slowly but surely bringing the supply up to where we are getting something worth measure.
I better make this short, if I don't I'm sure that i will miss something that's worth making a memory.
I love you sweet peach,
xoxoxo Momma.
( those of you waiting for photos, give me a little bit- im trying to get them to upload and this site takes forever)
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