Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Its been far too long, you're 4 almost 5 months old!

Well little star, its been far too long since i've written to you. You keep me on my toes. When work isn't consuming my life and the housework quits calling ( i often muffle those screams for attention for the house to attend to you ) Im giving you all of my attention. Which I have loved every single minute. You are amazing.

You have made my life so much richer and fuller. I look forward to waking up to you. I try to start every day with you , with a smile. I quietly wake up about 445 or 5 am, go make my coffee and take my medicine. I get our clothes together, double check our bags and make sure that everything we need for the day is packed and i've got my lunch and pumping supplies. I get dressed and walk in and check on you. Youre just starting to rustle awake at about 545 or 6 am. I get to kiss on you and snuggle you for a few brief moments before changing your diaper and getting you ready for the day. You smile, and coo. You love wake up snuggling and giving sugars.

At this point in time, as of the last check up you measured 24 3/4" tall, and 11.5 pounds. Youre not growing much around the middle, but youre getting tall! You have learned how to roll over from your belly to your back and your back to your belly, you have started sitting up. You love your floor gym and totally tear it down with your monster muscles.

(Trying to upload photos from my phone to this post)

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Its been Two whole months... and look what we caught!

Well its been a little more than two whole months. Its been fantastic, and terrible at the same time. Terrible because I had to go back to work. Its the worst. There is nothing that I think of all day long but my little precious adorable little girl. I miss you like crazy. I wish so badly that I could be a stay at home mommy with you. I've got to either get over this or figure out what to do with myself and the situation.
Your first day of daycare was a good one for you. Monday December 1 2014. You did wonderful, you didn't cry for any unknown reason, you ate well, and you were a pleasure to keep your sitter said. I however cried the most deep and heartfelt cry I've ever cried on my way to work. I don't know how I made it through that day. I could hardly keep it together. I still cry at times. Mostly when I go pump alone in a room and look at photos of you. I miss you little love bug. I wish I didn't have to pump and I could just nurse you as so many other mommies get to do with their babies. Im doing the best I can right now.
I have found a few things though that brighten my day. I look forward to pumping most days because I know that Im doing something for you that you will benefit from. I have pictures that I smile about, and videos on my phone- so many that I need more storage on my phone. I need a new phone anyways because its getting slow and freezing up. I'd rather spend my money on you though.

I am excited about Christmas for you though. You're the best gift I could have ever asked for. However Im excited that Santa is going to come visit you. Who knows what he will bring? I talked to him and told him a few things you needed: a few clothes, an activity mat, maybe some foam floor tiles for tummy time, and a beautiful day. Hopefully Santa will come through.

I am so happy youre doing well and growing. We went to the doctor on Dec 15 and they measured you. Your weight is still 9 pounds, but theyre labeling you as a slow gainer. They want me to feed you formula after letting you nurse. So I will, because before we know it you'll be on the move and that will burn calories like crazy. You have grown 3 inches though. Youre a tall 23" little girl. Its mostly legs. I can tell that because your once regular length pants are now ankle waders. You also did an outstanding job on your vaccinations. You didn't cry. Youre one tough cookie!

At this point in your life, as of today youre 10 weeks old. When you are awake you are very alert, you only cry for food or a diaper change. You cry some when daddy holds you but that is getting better. You enjoy staring at your crazy big sisters. Theyre always coming over to look at you when they come visit. They cant wait until you are big enough to play. They show you toys and sing you silly and sweet songs. They talk to you lots and try to tell us what youre saying. You do well around others. You don't mind when people look at you and tell you how beautiful you are, you just coo and smile. Your hair is still an attention getter, its blonde tips, brown in the middle and has some dark auburn highlights as well. You smile when we play. You love it when I kiss the bottoms of your feet, and you smile that beautiful toothless smile when I come in and give you " Sugars" or kisses. You've wised up and realized that you too can give " sugars" but your version is more open mouth licking my face.. which is fine. That behavior would be unacceptable from anyone else.

I just wanted to let you know how much I do love you and adore you my little one.  You are so special to me. And believe me that ANY time spent with you is never wasted.

I love you much more than you'll ever know.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

They say " Have a sense of humor"

When you are pregnant people tell you to make sure you have a sense of humor...

These are things that you do that make me laugh.

* Getting ready to "latch on" you get all sorts of crazy like a little shark and go for it. I cheer you on knowing that when you act like this you're really gonna empty the tanks out. " Get it little shark!!! chomp chomp!"

* Milk Coma-  after a good feed it looks like youre about to slip off into the deepest sleep ever. I guess one could compare it to what I call " Turkey Poisoning" you know the tryptophan that makes you tired after thanksgiving dinner.. yeah.. that face... and getting to see it a few times a day makes me feel good.

* When you rattle your diaper. Earlier this week - I was washing bottles in the kitchen and you were in the living room, you let one rip. I looked around the corner for a sasquatch and realized that sound... it came from you. Way to go!! You woke yourself right up with that one lil girl. Dont worry you didnt cry and I laughed for about a good two or three minutes.

* Your pacifier: you know its not the real thing. You'll chew on it for maybe about a good four minutes or so and then spit it out. I cant blame you, we can both benefit from this one, I provide the pacifer, and that in turn signals my body to make more milk.

* You snort when you get excited to snuggle. You'll get right up on my neck and start snorting when you realize we are going to snuggle after you eat. So cute.

My dearest Adalynne Faith, you keep me smiling all day long and make your mommys heart incredibly happy.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Momma <3

The making of a Momma...

So little love bug, here we are. One month out, and I've been loving every single minute of it, and you.

 I had always wondered what it would be like to be on the other end of the spectrum of parent - child  love. For thirty one, almost thirty two years, I was on the "Child" end of the spectrum.  I can say that it was great and still continues to be great. I will tell you this, you have wonderful grandparents ( both sides ). They have made being their child a wonderful experience. An experience that I hope that I can pass along to you. They held my hand, read with me, talked to me, celebrated my accomplishments and failures, accepted my flaws and taught me how to overcome obstacles and upsets. They were there for so many important milestones in my life that at certain times seemed " little" but they were celebrated anyways.

As a parent, you are given a tough job. There is no application or sign hanging in a window. There is no instruction manual. It is a job that requires you to set a good example all of the time, exhibit good morals, make important decisions ( and sometimes in a quick fashion ) that may effect you the rest of your life. A parent must be a teacher, a confidante, a friend, and have the ability to follow through and be thorough and stern at times. A parent must be able to listen, and to decipher information that is new to you ( the baby / child ) and take that information and figure out how to apply it to our daily life. There are so many things about being a parent that I can't even name, much less that I've gotten to experience yet. Its a big job,I am excited to accept this job, that is a  24/7 job, no pay, and the benefits are endless. You are all the benefit that I need. I've been told that no other job could or would ever compare.

Your smile, makes me smile. Your laugh, it makes me laugh. Your cry, makes me want to cry ( only because I am trying to figure out what you may need and I hate to see you upset ).

You see, I never quite understood what other parents said when they told me ( before I had you ) that " being a parent is the greatest joy you'll ever experience, the toughest job you'll ever have, and the most overwhelming love you'll ever feel." It doesn't quite register. Prior to your arrival, there were things I loved. I loved my family, I loved your daddy and your crazy big sisters, I loved pets I had in the years gone by. I loved reading books, traveling etc. I still love all these things. And I thought I understood the meaning of love. I thought I knew what " Tears of Joy " were. There are many types of "love"  but this one is the most special.

There are times when I don't even have to be around you and I'll cry. It's not the hormones. It's because I know that you are a blessing. These are the " Tears of Joy " I previously mentioned. I know exactly how special you are. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I have prayed for you. Many years ago I didnt think that I wanted children, but when I first met your cousin Haiden, I knew that one day, somewhere along lifes path, I wanted to be a mommy. I had thought about it here and there, and always prayed  " God, if you ever choose me to be a parent, please bless me with patience. I know Im not always the easiest person to deal with, but I'd like to give it a try. I think that it would be a most rewarding job and challenge for me. Bless me with a baby who you choose specifically for me. Design him or her in a way that sets them apart from any other child. Bless them with amazing talents, and a big heart that is ready to be loved. God, I leave this wish in your hands, if it is your will, its a blessing that I will gladly receive. " To my surprise my prayer was answered one day in January of 2014. God has somehow made the size of my heart and ability to love increase by leaps and bounds. With each passing day, the love for you grew and will continue to grow. I love you beyond measure my Little Love Bug. You are a blessing. You have blessed me, and you have blessed your father. He loves you just as much as I do.

Some of the perks of becoming a Momma are the sleepless nights. Its not always sleepless caused by your cries for attention. Some sleep loss has been of my own choosing. Staying awake to watch you sleep, to see the tiny breaths you take; to see you reach out for me and take comfort in knowing that I am by your side. Its amazing.

Another perk is counting your dirty diapers and taking a mental note of whats inside. Sounds gross right? Well its one way that I know that you're getting the nutrition that you need. Its really quite important if you ask any health professional. I consider it a perk because, I've learned something from it. That I can change a diaper with one eye open in the middle of the night with minimal light.

Every day presents a new challenge. Every day you give me a reason to smile. Like this morning, you were cooing at your reflection in your baby swing. You started to smile at me and coo sounds back to me when I talk to you. You're learning quick. And I couldn't be more proud. I want to capture every single moment on camera so I can look back on them forever, but what good does that do? I can't stop time.

There have been a few bumps in the road in the past month. My milk supply isn't where it should be. I've had to breast feed you then supplement with extra formula ( I feel terrible about it, there's just something about formula that I do not like whatsoever) . I know it's helping you grow and get strong; but to be honest, I'm a little disappointed with myself. It's one of the biggest upset for me so far. The good thing is, I made a phone call to the lactation specialists at the hospital and have been working really really hard with you, the pump,supplements and nursing honeymoons. Its slowly but surely bringing the supply up to where we are getting something worth measure.

I better make this short, if I don't I'm sure that i will miss something that's worth making a memory.

I love you sweet peach,

xoxoxo Momma.

( those of you waiting for photos, give me a little bit- im trying to get them to upload and this site takes forever)

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The day my life changed forever

Wednesday October 8th, 2014

It seemed like it would be just as normal as any other Wednesday had been for the past 41 weeks.  I woke up, and felt great. I slept pretty well, only woke up once to go pee and declared " Today is gonna be a good day.. I think."
 When I woke up it was about 6:15 am and I heard the strange sound of my mom at the end of the hallway speaking softly to someone. I jumped out of bed and quickly tried to put on my pants ( It didn't happen as quickly as I'd like but you get the gist- I got my pants on ).  I shuffled out of the bedroom and into the hallway and peered through one barely open eye and saw the cutest 5 year old at the opposing end of the hall. My little " JuneBug" Haiden ( your cousin )  standing there in her pajamas at the other end of the hallway. You could probably tell instantaneously that we were related, aside from our facial features, we share the same unruly bed head hair, scrunched up faces wiping the sleep from our eyes, and then the realization we're showing some " belly meat" and try to straighten out our pajamas before walking toward one another and hugging the warmest hug. From a third persons view we probably looked like we were two bums cackling and fighting over a loaf of bread- but whatever we were happy to see each other.

  Alan, Dawn, Haiden and Rowan had come down to visit and go on a Disney vacation. They trickled into the house and  sat down for a few minutes. Pretty soon after that I woke up Ryan ( your dad ) and let him know we had company, he got up came in and sat down with us. Rowan eventually joined us after waking up and he and Haiden watched some Daniel Tiger while I started to get dressed for our trek to the hospital.

Wow.. so here I was, exactly 41 weeks pregnant getting dressed and preparing to meet you for the first time. I donned a black tank top, and black pajama pants ( comfort is the most important part of dressing this far into pregnancy - dont judge ) combed my hair, pulled it back out of my face, and brushed my teeth. I grabbed a cup of water and took my daily prenatal vitamins and got the bags lined up and ready to go. Your daddy and MeMe were already dressed and ready to go by the time I had put on my clothes and gotten my act together, we took a few photos together and noted that the next time I'd be back at this house, I'd have you with me, in my arms and ready to meet the world. All sorts of thoughts rushed through my head.  Am I ready for this? Can I be a good mom? Am I going to be able to provide for you with everything you may ever need and more? Will I be able to feed you enough? Will I know how to calm you down when you get upset? Do I know how to change a diaper? So many questions, all unanswered.

We are scheduled to check in at Winnie Palmer Hospital for Women & Babies at 9 am. We arrive by 8:50 and get sent right up to the second floor ( one of the labor and delivery floors ). We get checked in and  get our ID bracelets. We sat in the waiting area for what seemed like forever while they got our laboring room ready. I watched other pregnant moms who were being induced that day waddle in and out of the waiting area and get taken back. Soon it would be our turn and they would call out our name and we would roll our bags to the room and get the whole process started.

It was shortly before 10 am that they called us back. I walked down the hallway with a pillow stuffed under one arm and my hand rolling my small green suitcase in the other. " Is this really happening? " I asked myself. We got to the room and I looked around. A huge wall of windows ( not looking out to the prettiest of views ( I got to stare at some roof top vents, and watch maintenance guys repair a fan ). They assured me that the windows were one way, and you could only see outside in the daytime and the workers couldn't see what was going on inside unless it was night time and the big bright lights were on. The nurse introduced herself as "Reggie" and that she would be with me until about 530 pm. Reggie handed me a gown and told me " Honey, go ahead and take everything off, even your underwear - you wont be needing that anytime today" as she chuckled.  I looked at your daddy, he smiled and laughed and said " well go on now.. get to it" I smiled and shuffled on into the bathroom which was nicely appointed with  fluffy soft white towels, granite counter tops, a big mirror, a deep tub to relax in and of course some fancy eco toilet.  Putting on the gown I felt the chill of the air conditioner down my backside. Fairly soon after I was questioned about my pregnancy, whether Ive had any complications, contractions, history of this and that. They brought me a huge yoga ball with a blanket to sit on and get things rolling and loosen up my hips and pelvic floor. They hooked me up to an IV line for fluids and left us alone for a good bit.

Your Doctor Kai Fu, came in to check the progress and start us on oxytocin ( aka pitocin ) to get things moving along a little quicker. He said that we should have a baby "sometime after midnight." At this point i was 4cm dilated and about 60 % effaced.

I was checked on again around 245 pm, my physical status was still the same, 4 cm and 60 % so they ramped up the medicine hoping that it would make me progress faster. He and the nurse preformed a " check " and  the next thing I knew was that there was a warm gush of fluid and you started squirming around, the doctor had broken my water. I told everyone that you didnt feel like you were ready because you and I both were becoming quite comfortable, and honestly I felt a little guilty because my water didnt break natrually. But you had to come out sweet cheeks, its not healthy to stay much longer than 41 weeks in the womb from what the experts say. By this time your Papaw Ed had made it to the hospital, and your dad was just coming back to the room with a bag of burgers from Five Guys. Let it be known that I was not allowed to eat anything except clear liquids since about 10 pm the night before. I was actually so excited, I actually wasnt very hungry at all. I did partake in the cranberry juice Nurse Reggie offered to me and thoroughly enjoyed every sip of that. There were a few times that I was mildly uncomfortable- but that wasnt anything that rolling to my side didnt relieve. I guess you could call those contractions.

Around 4:45 Doctor Fu came back in to make his final rounds and see how far I had progressed. I was only about 4.5 cm and 65% effaced. He told the nurses to let the oxytocin double and informed me of the shift change and who my doctors were going to be and that you and I would be in good hands. The nurses came in and introduced themselves- this round tonight the Doctor would be Doctor Brown, and the nurse was a nice British woman named Norma, who was a professional midwife back in London. I felt very much at ease with the team for the evening, and they proceeded to ask if I was ready for an epidural since I had quickly progressed to 7 cm dialated and 80 % effaced. I gave in, not because I was in pain, but because of the fact that if you wait too long, an epidural wont help with the pain at all. So the anesthesia team came in and placed it and rolled me side to side so that it could take full effect. I shook and shook  and shook, like I've never shook before. It was because of the medicine. There wasnt much pain but more of the feeling that I wasnt in control of my body any more. I was confined to the bed ( because youre a fall risk if you have the epidural ) and we waited. I didnt feel any contractions really. I did keep checking the monitor behind my head and seeing the contractions register and thinking  " how funny is it that I dont feel a thing, I wonder if the baby is uncomfortable.. i sure hope not."

Fast forward to 9 PM, Nurse Norma comes in and I ask her if anyone is going to check on me and see my progression, she got the doctor and they looked directly at me and asked how I was feeling, and I said " I feel fine, I just thought maybe you guys would or could check on me before it gets too late, its been a few hours and I just was curious if the medicine is working"  Then Doctor Brown smiled and said " Well, youre ready to push. If we can get in here and draped in 30 minutes we're going to have you start pushing then."

So they did. They got the drapes, the carts, the extra nurses, closed the outside curtains and turned on the bright lights from the ceiling. Your papaw was trying to get out of the room as fast as he could, because of a modesty thing. Usually only a father and the mother are in the delivery room, but the doctor wouldnt let your papaw leave. He was told to either sit where he was and dont move, or go and sit in the bathroom.  They adjusted the bed and broke down the bottom portion so I could have room to have the doctors get in and do what they needed to do.

At 9:37 pm I pushed my first push. Nurse Norma was such a good coach. She sounded like the people who stand behind home base at a baseball game and say " Swing batter batter swing " except she was telling me to push. Your dad was on my left side by my feet and your MeMe was at my head on the left side of the bed praying that this wouldnt end up in a cesarean birth.  I pushed for a good 45 minutes every so often and took a few breaks, and then the nurse needed a quick break to get the doctor. I told her, I feel like I need to push, and she said " well push honey as hard as you can push wayyyy down " The doctor came in to take a look and quickly got her gown, mask and gloves on. They showed me a mirror and told your daddy to look down because you were going to have a full head of thick dark hair. I was shocked- I'd never seen anything like that before in my life.

At 10:59 pm I felt the pressure in my pelvic bone get some relief. The doctor held you up, and said " It's a Girl!!!"  Tears filled my eyes as I looked down and saw the most beautiful and perfect baby I'd ever seen before in my entire life. Sure you were wet and somewhat slimey but they clamped the cord and took you off to my right side and cleaned you up. They got your foot prints measured you and did their tests. You scored a 98 out of 100, you were wonderful, and perfect in my eyes.  They wrapped you up and brought you over to me and your daddy showed me what you looked like close up. Your head was the perfect shape, not a cone or flat, perfect. you had all 10 fingers, 10 toes and your face wasnt to terribly wrinkled up. I felt so happy, and overwhelmed and excited all at once. This is a moment I had prayed for so long. You were here, you were perfect, you are beautiful. You made me a mother on this night. The happiest night of my entire life.

You Weighed: 8 pounds & .07 ounces
You measured: 20 1/2 inches.

There is absolutely nothing that I would change about how you were born, and if the Lord ever gave me the chance to do it again all over, I would without a doubt because its one of the most precious gifts and blessings Ive ever had bestowed upon me.

We hadn't picked out a name for you, and that came the following day after taking a few long looks at you and seeing what would fit best. Your daddy and I decided on the name : Adalynne Faith. Its beautiful. We decided to call you Faith, because thats what we all had while you were growing in my belly. Trusting fully in God that everything would be alright and that you would be perfect. Remind me one day to tell you the story of the mustard seed. You have Faith ( you) the size of a mustard seed ( you were entering this world so tiny and small) and with the right applications you will grow abundantly and flourish under Gods care. 

You met and exceeded all of my expectations. You are a beautiful baby, with thick reddish brown hair that has gorgeous blonde highlights, long tiny fingers and toes, a button nose and the perfect little rosy pink lips and big beautiful gray blue eyes. You're a perfect mixture of your daddy and me. 

I love you so much tiny wiggle worm love bug- you don't even know. I love you my little and very sweet  Adalynne Faith.

Momma <3